everytime the heel comes into contact with anything it goes into pain-a-pain-pain tingling mode. made the mistake of banging it accidently once this week-i thought it was stronger now, after such a damm long time-and oh man. the pain, is blindingly hot and paralysing. nothing like a lil friction to excruciatingly jolt your senses reminding why you're alive and not half asleep. shed some light please, specialists.
difficult to comprehend.staying at home mostly today. theres nothing to watch cept the dark knight. nothing fun to go out either.
again, the thoughts that manifested themselves through out the week conveniently dissapeared. figures im getting old , .______.
so jotting them seems to be the only way.
planning to work on some lyrics for chi heng soon.
a quiet life. but not a halycon one.
86.
and more sleep. slept less than 4 for the past few days since mon. wz you too.
05 July, 2008
04 July, 2008
bend ivory
previous draft got wiped out. not going to rewrite the whole piece again
in short. watched "wanted" with car.
go, watch it and "realise how pathetic you are and how much of a loser you've become , "especially .... XD i love the show for its unforgiving, outrageously funny and witty provocation and lambasting of the audience. whoooo. not a sadist but the lines were super sharp and witty. hated the stupid plot. .....
"what have you done with your life lately?"
diablo III has finally been announced. brings back the memories of hogging unhealthily in front of the darn comp furiously levelling .zzz
the only notable thing. yeah. i think debbie knows. thats enough. i think she still doesnt fully get what im trying to put across .....heh.
dont force yourself to do things you dont want to. simpleeeee. (=
you idiot.. doesnt matter alright.[=
in short. watched "wanted" with car.
go, watch it and "realise how pathetic you are and how much of a loser you've become , "especially .... XD i love the show for its unforgiving, outrageously funny and witty provocation and lambasting of the audience. whoooo. not a sadist but the lines were super sharp and witty. hated the stupid plot. .....
"what have you done with your life lately?"
diablo III has finally been announced. brings back the memories of hogging unhealthily in front of the darn comp furiously levelling .zzz
the only notable thing. yeah. i think debbie knows. thats enough. i think she still doesnt fully get what im trying to put across .....heh.
dont force yourself to do things you dont want to. simpleeeee. (=
you idiot.. doesnt matter alright.[=
29 June, 2008
bend your rounds;
1 down , 5 to go. i wont post anymore things about stagmont camp after this. lucky wey zi is around, so we usually talk at night together. he smokes now =/ i dont approve, but so as long as he knows what he's doing i wont say anything.
i've got 3 taurus buddies in my bunk so all seems fine, fortunate my section people are all friendly enough. & cooperative. i wish wey was in my platoon though, as well as benjamin.
another draining week that passsed by fast enough. thankfully. the next 2 following weeks would be very exhausting, as seen from the training program.but it'll fly, and half the course would have ended by then.
87.
saw hscsb perform in the exchange. i still remember...my exchnge at acs sitting through 14 bands playing almost the same thing over. XD
they were alright. pretty okay, so all the best for nbc. (=
whatever medal on that day, i think they did good to themselves....
met up with the rest of the chums for streamboat dinner (bleah). i really miss my class bestie and one of my closest friend aka JACKY! (=
he feels like family at times.
i still remember the good old days in class with him and the rest of the gang. vividly in colour they were one of the best.
hes still the same old same old. (= the rest too.
what i love about them is perhaps the lack of pretence or masks. what you see is what you get with them.
they're organizing a chalet?? bbq?? so i'll prolly use up a few days of my leave. worth it i guess.
how very dangerous.we can dream and pretend otherwise, we could keep that distance alive
but how very real with what you said and suggest.
will it be a terrible thing?
its what we get- when we immpecably blurred the lines.
i've got 3 taurus buddies in my bunk so all seems fine, fortunate my section people are all friendly enough. & cooperative. i wish wey was in my platoon though, as well as benjamin.
another draining week that passsed by fast enough. thankfully. the next 2 following weeks would be very exhausting, as seen from the training program.but it'll fly, and half the course would have ended by then.
87.
saw hscsb perform in the exchange. i still remember...my exchnge at acs sitting through 14 bands playing almost the same thing over. XD
they were alright. pretty okay, so all the best for nbc. (=
whatever medal on that day, i think they did good to themselves....
met up with the rest of the chums for streamboat dinner (bleah). i really miss my class bestie and one of my closest friend aka JACKY! (=
he feels like family at times.
i still remember the good old days in class with him and the rest of the gang. vividly in colour they were one of the best.
hes still the same old same old. (= the rest too.
what i love about them is perhaps the lack of pretence or masks. what you see is what you get with them.
they're organizing a chalet?? bbq?? so i'll prolly use up a few days of my leave. worth it i guess.
how very dangerous.we can dream and pretend otherwise, we could keep that distance alive
but how very real with what you said and suggest.
will it be a terrible thing?
its what we get- when we immpecably blurred the lines.
23 June, 2008
something something.
the start of something new!
okay quick one.
if all goes well, back on friday evening.(=
if all goes real good, then my duration back should not exceed that of tekong's by half an hour. -__-
yesterday a few good things happened.
reallly reassuringly good. (=
almost restores my faith in mankind....by a little. WOO XD
alright!
this better be the only time i have to travel of like this in the blardy morning, hop on the merry train and travel along the merry green line before stopping on the red. whoosh.
here, we go again. friday night. (=
okay quick one.
if all goes well, back on friday evening.(=
if all goes real good, then my duration back should not exceed that of tekong's by half an hour. -__-
yesterday a few good things happened.
reallly reassuringly good. (=
almost restores my faith in mankind....by a little. WOO XD
alright!
this better be the only time i have to travel of like this in the blardy morning, hop on the merry train and travel along the merry green line before stopping on the red. whoosh.
here, we go again. friday night. (=
22 June, 2008
maverick unvariations opus II
& Russia-full credit to them- put the Oranje to the sword and are in the finals.
a six-week course aye.
it will be a very crucial six weeks. make or break, my leg's condtion is NOT good.
strangely after all the slacking for the past 12 days i have no desire to travel out anymore.stay home weekends(minus the occasional lunch or dinner out, or the movie im so anticipating---> batman)
car's latest post resonates deeply. it was what i felt deeply during bmt. nut then. scurrying around like a urgent ant panicking..
it sucks, doesnt it. when some people dont respond to our love or concern for them..... mmm yeah car.
or you dont know what to say because it would just be so awkward or hurtful.
but i guess we cant stop saying or showing them right?
the day we stop doing so,would be a mournful day.
we wont stop. even if its hurts badly, even if tears roll down your cheeks.we wont stop. in giving, we learn to love. but if we only knew how to receive....
i guess when we give, we shouldnt expect anything in return. its not a matter off cynical distrust. just a matter of following Jesus's work. He loved us, but he never asked for any returns. becasue we always had the choice to choose. but he MADE SURE we know, that there is a path of salvation, and thats the greatest gift to us.
coming from me, a cynic in many things, including even the bible. heh.....did not sleep last night.again, entertaining the thoughts of a skeptic. but i know. that the Lord has not abandoned me. still, i feel so far away from Him.....please mend me, please heal my soul. pelase, take this weariness away.
like many people, we all want to be loved by a special person.that special person we feel towards. but... if that person doesnt respond to you....
incognito.
we bear that pain alone.
could you leave mister
leave her alone
if not
stop your cruel games
you're messing with her heart
you dont love her, just the idea
of being in love with love
could you say it gently girl
just to prove his faith
in you
a word,
a few words
a sentence
that you feel the same way
about him too.
if not , let him know.
a six-week course aye.
it will be a very crucial six weeks. make or break, my leg's condtion is NOT good.
strangely after all the slacking for the past 12 days i have no desire to travel out anymore.stay home weekends(minus the occasional lunch or dinner out, or the movie im so anticipating---> batman)
car's latest post resonates deeply. it was what i felt deeply during bmt. nut then. scurrying around like a urgent ant panicking..
it sucks, doesnt it. when some people dont respond to our love or concern for them..... mmm yeah car.
or you dont know what to say because it would just be so awkward or hurtful.
but i guess we cant stop saying or showing them right?
the day we stop doing so,would be a mournful day.
we wont stop. even if its hurts badly, even if tears roll down your cheeks.we wont stop. in giving, we learn to love. but if we only knew how to receive....
i guess when we give, we shouldnt expect anything in return. its not a matter off cynical distrust. just a matter of following Jesus's work. He loved us, but he never asked for any returns. becasue we always had the choice to choose. but he MADE SURE we know, that there is a path of salvation, and thats the greatest gift to us.
coming from me, a cynic in many things, including even the bible. heh.....did not sleep last night.again, entertaining the thoughts of a skeptic. but i know. that the Lord has not abandoned me. still, i feel so far away from Him.....please mend me, please heal my soul. pelase, take this weariness away.
like many people, we all want to be loved by a special person.that special person we feel towards. but... if that person doesnt respond to you....
incognito.
we bear that pain alone.
could you leave mister
leave her alone
if not
stop your cruel games
you're messing with her heart
you dont love her, just the idea
of being in love with love
could you say it gently girl
just to prove his faith
in you
a word,
a few words
a sentence
that you feel the same way
about him too.
if not , let him know.
21 June, 2008
1) How long will you wait for someone you love?
as long as i have to i guess. its like waiting for your favourite steak. except if the steak dont come you cant ask for a refund. =/ [wait you can order something else what.]
2) What do you hope for now?
on a personal level -a meaningful..... experience........ in ns....-_- getting closer, and knowing our dear Lord more. making more friends [sadly all male leh] in the meantime. to grow up more.to accquire wisdom.[heh]
as for the rest. for everybody to be safe, healthy. and if be, peace be with them too.
3) What is the last thing you say/do if tomorrow is the end of the world?
i'll say " wait. so are we dinosaurs now? do you think they'll put my skull on the exhibit? or anything lame. " (=
treat it like a normal day. stay with my loved ones and tell them how much [or little =p ] i love them all along.
death is but one of the many paths we must take.
4) Do you hate your friends sometimes?
do you love your enemies sometimes?
5) What will you do if your best friend has been kidnapped?
999. or kope rifle and hunt. o.0
6) Do you believe in seeing a rainbow after the rain?
no. i'll be already sleeping by then.
7) What are you listening to now?
always be my baby- david cook
coming home- john legend
some wong lee hom song.
8) What's your desired age of marriage?
when my girl and i feel like it.
9 ) Are you happy with your life now?
if can be better. duh. but yeah. im lucky.really lucky to have so much love around.i may abuse that love sometimes.okay lots of times. but im happy. super blessed though i dont think i fully deserve it.
10) What if your crush asks you out?
err. GO LA.
11) What will you do when you have a crush that knows you have a crush on him/her?
"hey crush, its so cool we have a crush on each other!" -_- just talk to that person la. will die ah.
12) What feeling do you hate the most?
self-pity.
13) What will you do if you fall in love with a guy/girl?
feel good about it, ask the girl out. or just hold my peace and happiness alone.
14) What are you looking forward in the upcoming weeks?
getting posted out of choa chu kang.
15) The most important things in your life?
God. Family.Friends.
16) Who do you hope to always be there for you?
Family, friends.
17) Do you find life meaningless?
huh? is this even supposed to be asked?
18) Where do you think you can find true love?
anywhere. maybe not porn sites...
19) Do you believe that there is 'True love'?
used to...in humans at least.. in the Lord yes.
20) What's your greatest wish?
to bring joy to the ones i care about around me.
21)What will you change when you can turn back time?
some decisions that i continue to regret even now. actually. none.
done! boooring.
as long as i have to i guess. its like waiting for your favourite steak. except if the steak dont come you cant ask for a refund. =/ [wait you can order something else what.]
2) What do you hope for now?
on a personal level -a meaningful..... experience........ in ns....-_- getting closer, and knowing our dear Lord more. making more friends [sadly all male leh] in the meantime. to grow up more.to accquire wisdom.[heh]
as for the rest. for everybody to be safe, healthy. and if be, peace be with them too.
3) What is the last thing you say/do if tomorrow is the end of the world?
i'll say " wait. so are we dinosaurs now? do you think they'll put my skull on the exhibit? or anything lame. " (=
treat it like a normal day. stay with my loved ones and tell them how much [or little =p ] i love them all along.
death is but one of the many paths we must take.
4) Do you hate your friends sometimes?
do you love your enemies sometimes?
5) What will you do if your best friend has been kidnapped?
999. or kope rifle and hunt. o.0
6) Do you believe in seeing a rainbow after the rain?
no. i'll be already sleeping by then.
7) What are you listening to now?
always be my baby- david cook
coming home- john legend
some wong lee hom song.
8) What's your desired age of marriage?
when my girl and i feel like it.
9 ) Are you happy with your life now?
if can be better. duh. but yeah. im lucky.really lucky to have so much love around.i may abuse that love sometimes.okay lots of times. but im happy. super blessed though i dont think i fully deserve it.
10) What if your crush asks you out?
err. GO LA.
11) What will you do when you have a crush that knows you have a crush on him/her?
"hey crush, its so cool we have a crush on each other!" -_- just talk to that person la. will die ah.
12) What feeling do you hate the most?
self-pity.
13) What will you do if you fall in love with a guy/girl?
feel good about it, ask the girl out. or just hold my peace and happiness alone.
14) What are you looking forward in the upcoming weeks?
getting posted out of choa chu kang.
15) The most important things in your life?
God. Family.Friends.
16) Who do you hope to always be there for you?
Family, friends.
17) Do you find life meaningless?
huh? is this even supposed to be asked?
18) Where do you think you can find true love?
anywhere. maybe not porn sites...
19) Do you believe that there is 'True love'?
used to...in humans at least.. in the Lord yes.
20) What's your greatest wish?
to bring joy to the ones i care about around me.
21)What will you change when you can turn back time?
some decisions that i continue to regret even now. actually. none.
done! boooring.
maverick unvariations
my heel hurts like crazy.
but i guess its worth all the pain (walking barefoot now hurts already, so there isnt much a factor unless i jump or run.or even jog) when it comes to football!! [=
lovely playing it.every single moment. it was tiring, bursting and sprinting and hurting but neither caring for those things.
it makes me forget everything. like when im playing in band[ sorry, only during tpjc under the dr lee era need apply for memory remembrance ]there is this sense of great purpose and focus in functioning now just alone but as an entity with others. a sense of wild joy prevades.
i forget i am 19. i forget my worries.i forget my fears. i forget everything. i forget....that....everything that should be. i dont, as someone used it once to describe"on nitpicking on things that should matter but we still dont" so easily.
i forget. it is not about running away. it is not about turning away from reminders.
it is...about allowing yourself to be. not just to enjoy. just what you wish to be.no restrictions.
you become carefree.you let yourself be. not weighted by whatever you are experiencing.
...just dont play when you got a blocked nose and flam in your throat. ...breathing..is err...a tad more difficult XD
im really glad for Carista. shes been going through a lot of shit lately, and thankyou LORD for watching and blessing and making sure shes okay. and for mending her hurts. thank You so much.[= girl you deserve it.... Lord heal me too? (=
on a side note. errr. how are you gona tag me? -_- dont give me sms crap ah. XD
im in signals, which isnt too bad. hope i get to participate in ndp next year. (= [screw the burned weekends when it happens. my time now beloongs to the saf anyway.]
my pay is increased. yay. _--
met [in order of appearance] sheng! you skinny ass, peng you same old same old! jacky omg you gotten bigger, xiong eh handsome eh, last but not least the couple ! mh and xy!
i miss you old buggers. all of you. had a great time[even with the super poor organising skills of mr tan XD ] like old souls. like old company. you just slide right in like we had have never been separated before. (=
even if the guys were all ranting about dotA. ver.6.52> o.0 the last time i truly played was .32 XD
but can we not eat there again please? its horrible.
as you become older. you lose..quite that bit of that teenager angst/emotional behaviour.
its alright i guess. we were all ignorant fools. still are. just a little wiser, a few battle scars with life to show.
but we must never lose that child in us. it is that spark of life that keeps you going. and preventing you from becoming a very BORING person =p
so what separates a teenager and a teenager transiting to an adult? what about that thing? called the FUTURE.
its like changing ....buses. or trains. -_- okay bad analogy but ahh.
you sit on the express service. and life whips past in a flash. the future becomes so horribly uncertain. and theres no fixed path.
so what do i do?
i dont know. so?
i pray. i plan. i act. i think.i hesitate.i act and think again.i ponder. i doubt. and then finally i act[ verb, u arse..=p--- acting on it..whats with all these verifications???]..and pray and act and pray and act on it. doesnt sound smart eh.
thats all. life will give us shit i guess.anytime.all of a sudden.so?
sometimes just hanging by is already a victory in a trial.
most of the time it isnt so. and therefore?
so many paths lie ahead. i got lectured the other day by the most surprising person..:" you got a very bright future you know that?you're a bright kid [ <---eh i dont think thats true] dont go and fuck it up please." quote word for word.
i looked at that person eyes wide {i know la, not that wide . small eyes okay. (= ] in bewilderment. like. the heck?!
so we we look upon the uncertainty of our futures with pessimistic gloom or with such infectious optimisim-that it irritates the hell out of everybody,especially many adults (= or with a dash of reality and yet with filled with sparling, non bubbly hope? [...seriously.water is water. no bubbles and bubbles? sparkling and non sparkling? wtheckkkk. ]
i dont know.
what do i know? i got this youth now. yeah yeah, less than 2 years im officially an adult. so what?
what do i want? a place in university.to study what i WANT. spiritual growth [ which means, growing closer to the Lord ]
maturity [hell yes, im so childish i scare myself.]
confidence[ thats gotta grow aint it.]
self esteem[ the same.]
yesterday is history, today is a gift for me, tomorrow is a mystery.
these are all i know. study study. i like studying. i like to know more. i want to know more. not just for a career or whatever. i dont want an empty brain.i want A grades because i want to put in effort to make sure i learn--me being an lazy ass. ( qn. does what you learn master you or you mastering it? are you so certain you've mastered it?)
i know studies isnt everything. man you are one hell of a sad human being if all you merely excelled in are studies. seriously. sad. and pitiful.very.
yeah its very important. so much for holistic yesssss -_-
but err. studies = life? im not talking about studying per se. like 10 hours a day when the time requires to be done so. rather. studying to become the top [just that sole purpose] is... yeah its good to have aims.aim top 10, top 3, yeah its all fine. but you want to be top BECAUSE? __________ please fill in the blank. if its for vanity's sake well yeah. good luck you damm frog.in a narrow well.
if all along a person aims for the best in academia because thats all he knows, to strive for the top for the sake of being in among the top. then this education system has just failed that student aint it?
the analogy for life in singapore.in general.
rawrrr. not over. i've diverted from my main train of thought! o.0 which is....uh uh....yeah...my uncertain future and everything else right now.
but i guess its worth all the pain (walking barefoot now hurts already, so there isnt much a factor unless i jump or run.or even jog) when it comes to football!! [=
lovely playing it.every single moment. it was tiring, bursting and sprinting and hurting but neither caring for those things.
it makes me forget everything. like when im playing in band[ sorry, only during tpjc under the dr lee era need apply for memory remembrance ]there is this sense of great purpose and focus in functioning now just alone but as an entity with others. a sense of wild joy prevades.
i forget i am 19. i forget my worries.i forget my fears. i forget everything. i forget....that....everything that should be. i dont, as someone used it once to describe"on nitpicking on things that should matter but we still dont" so easily.
i forget. it is not about running away. it is not about turning away from reminders.
it is...about allowing yourself to be. not just to enjoy. just what you wish to be.no restrictions.
you become carefree.you let yourself be. not weighted by whatever you are experiencing.
...just dont play when you got a blocked nose and flam in your throat. ...breathing..is err...a tad more difficult XD
im really glad for Carista. shes been going through a lot of shit lately, and thankyou LORD for watching and blessing and making sure shes okay. and for mending her hurts. thank You so much.[= girl you deserve it.... Lord heal me too? (=
on a side note. errr. how are you gona tag me? -_- dont give me sms crap ah. XD
im in signals, which isnt too bad. hope i get to participate in ndp next year. (= [screw the burned weekends when it happens. my time now beloongs to the saf anyway.]
my pay is increased. yay. _--
met [in order of appearance] sheng! you skinny ass, peng you same old same old! jacky omg you gotten bigger, xiong eh handsome eh, last but not least the couple ! mh and xy!
i miss you old buggers. all of you. had a great time[even with the super poor organising skills of mr tan XD ] like old souls. like old company. you just slide right in like we had have never been separated before. (=
even if the guys were all ranting about dotA. ver.6.52> o.0 the last time i truly played was .32 XD
but can we not eat there again please? its horrible.
as you become older. you lose..quite that bit of that teenager angst/emotional behaviour.
its alright i guess. we were all ignorant fools. still are. just a little wiser, a few battle scars with life to show.
but we must never lose that child in us. it is that spark of life that keeps you going. and preventing you from becoming a very BORING person =p
so what separates a teenager and a teenager transiting to an adult? what about that thing? called the FUTURE.
its like changing ....buses. or trains. -_- okay bad analogy but ahh.
you sit on the express service. and life whips past in a flash. the future becomes so horribly uncertain. and theres no fixed path.
so what do i do?
i dont know. so?
i pray. i plan. i act. i think.i hesitate.i act and think again.i ponder. i doubt. and then finally i act[ verb, u arse..=p--- acting on it..whats with all these verifications???]..and pray and act and pray and act on it. doesnt sound smart eh.
thats all. life will give us shit i guess.anytime.all of a sudden.so?
sometimes just hanging by is already a victory in a trial.
most of the time it isnt so. and therefore?
so many paths lie ahead. i got lectured the other day by the most surprising person..:" you got a very bright future you know that?you're a bright kid [ <---eh i dont think thats true] dont go and fuck it up please." quote word for word.
i looked at that person eyes wide {i know la, not that wide . small eyes okay. (= ] in bewilderment. like. the heck?!
so we we look upon the uncertainty of our futures with pessimistic gloom or with such infectious optimisim-that it irritates the hell out of everybody,especially many adults (= or with a dash of reality and yet with filled with sparling, non bubbly hope? [...seriously.water is water. no bubbles and bubbles? sparkling and non sparkling? wtheckkkk. ]
i dont know.
what do i know? i got this youth now. yeah yeah, less than 2 years im officially an adult. so what?
what do i want? a place in university.to study what i WANT. spiritual growth [ which means, growing closer to the Lord ]
maturity [hell yes, im so childish i scare myself.]
confidence[ thats gotta grow aint it.]
self esteem[ the same.]
yesterday is history, today is a gift for me, tomorrow is a mystery.
these are all i know. study study. i like studying. i like to know more. i want to know more. not just for a career or whatever. i dont want an empty brain.i want A grades because i want to put in effort to make sure i learn--me being an lazy ass. ( qn. does what you learn master you or you mastering it? are you so certain you've mastered it?)
i know studies isnt everything. man you are one hell of a sad human being if all you merely excelled in are studies. seriously. sad. and pitiful.very.
yeah its very important. so much for holistic yesssss -_-
but err. studies = life? im not talking about studying per se. like 10 hours a day when the time requires to be done so. rather. studying to become the top [just that sole purpose] is... yeah its good to have aims.aim top 10, top 3, yeah its all fine. but you want to be top BECAUSE? __________ please fill in the blank. if its for vanity's sake well yeah. good luck you damm frog.in a narrow well.
if all along a person aims for the best in academia because thats all he knows, to strive for the top for the sake of being in among the top. then this education system has just failed that student aint it?
the analogy for life in singapore.in general.
rawrrr. not over. i've diverted from my main train of thought! o.0 which is....uh uh....yeah...my uncertain future and everything else right now.
It may be long to get me there
It feels like I've been everywhere
But someday I'll be coming home
Round and round the world will spin
Oh, the circle never ends
So you know that I'll be coming home.
19 June, 2008
she says; im really really free-
my only long and fuss free break during ns after all
im supremely free. so sorry zee, you had to emo about he.
heard hsc performing their two pieces.
silver, but gold is within reach. so erm. all the best?
deb told me not to care about hscb anymore
not worth it, as much as it concerns her in any way.
she has a valid point.
uh, nothing interests me more than just staying in home. laziness, yeah. boredom, not really.
i want to fall in love.
will somebody come jumpstart my heart for free? [=
im supremely free. so sorry zee, you had to emo about he.
heard hsc performing their two pieces.
silver, but gold is within reach. so erm. all the best?
deb told me not to care about hscb anymore
not worth it, as much as it concerns her in any way.
she has a valid point.
uh, nothing interests me more than just staying in home. laziness, yeah. boredom, not really.
i want to fall in love.
will somebody come jumpstart my heart for free? [=
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