Finally over! STest coming up, but it'll be relatively better than FC [=
anything less than 6 days already sounds like a sweet deal.
missions, missions, missions. then back to bunk, and after that it just leaves one important event and several other stuff "they" claim to be crucial but everyone know its rhetorical bs ^^
FC was..... definitely memorable and to some measure even enjoyable... tough times yeah, but also fun and good times.
the combat rations pastas rock. some are even better our cookhouse food =p
we had some time to ourselves in between, and theres a lot of reflection while you you just sit down there on the mud, tired like hell. the mind is shagged, but surprisingly clear. and thats when you start to contemplate.
so i decided to change the idea that im a screw up to i-screwed-things-up kind of perception.
old wounds will always come back and haunt you. always. even if it heals, the shadow of a mark lies upon your shivering heart. dear God, thank You for patching and doing all the fixing.
your own defenses are forcibly removed, so theres nothing but raw, real feelings.layer by layer that's stripped away. and thats made me come to terms with myself and myself to some people.how much they mean to me and so on. [=
you see true colours of people,you see true colours of yourself. beyond the army concept is the minute fullfilment and involvement in finallly getting a good hint, the firm idenity of what and who you are. or at least the percetion nous of it all.
this week will be fairly important, so im just hoping and praying it will go smoothly, if not at least ending it well.
met up with jc pals today. all the botak heads...[=
feels good tho. we might be in diff coys, but we suffered the same shit together[ ch is going fc on mon, good luck pal!] so its pretty synonymous in that sense. time to play soccer AGAIN. i cant stand not playing for so many weeks, so WE GOTTA AT LEAST PLAY ONCE.
rub looks funny with the shaved hair, ch looks th esame with his gooy grin, josh looks ...josh , and kx (armour boy!) has the longest follicles than us[sigh]
so many pretty girls in orchard [= eye candied. but some were in the slutty sense. ahh. heh, dweeb will protest vehemently if not for the fact she lost her voice. not that i care anyway, i'll still look whether you complain at me not to. ^^ just like the way you gush over guys[terrible taste you got, serious.] -----------------> superficial paragraph . zzzz. so sue me.
watched doomsday, which was so shitty , amazingly shitty that you just have this frozen smile in disbelief at the (lack) of thought, or even stupidity of the whole gag show. gawked at the dark knight poster featuring the joker. so dammmmm COOL. (fanboy gush over)
3 more book outs after this long one.[which to me is already over mentally.prepared.] time really flies.
wey is going to guards! ready to strike, eh [= goodluck, mr underpaid commando.
im in a guards coy, but i dont want to go guards. aiming for o.0 command school for 8 weeks! rawrrr.
watched code geass last night. had lines that struck me when lelouch was again manipulating his opponents.
" what do you fight evil with, justice? could it triumph evil? or do you already know that justice cannot defeat it? therefore, would you willingly stain your hands with evil to fight evil? or would you still insist on your dwindling justice ?
with the answer simply a contradiction.
evil would still remain either way.
but isnt that what some people handle their struggles with. thank God for some close friends who persevere., who persist, to shoulder on in unwavering, unflagging faith even if all the troubles threatened to overwhelm and drown them. they become a source of light and encouragement when i come to my own.
tiiiired. gone. intel specs , so from now its spook!
eehern spooks!
when i ate my first jellybean offered to me in the forest at night by my officer, my heart
burned and ached so badly. you asked me if i missed you. im tired of answering over somtimes. i miss
you so dammmmmm bad.right now though i dont even give a damm if you even do miss me. no, i do, just at the moment too tired to care.i dont want to care if you do. dont want to care if you dont. its damm tiring holding this alone.
im not giving up. all i want, is a little bit of rest , under the cooling shade of the trees. because right now i dont want to care. i dont want to bloody give a damm care.even if its hurting now.that, can be endured.talking to you last night was just so nonsensical.maybe its fine that for a long period we didnt talk, while i just slept a little, while you watched your shows. maybe you dont even know about all this .or maybe you just choose to look away. im not laying any blame on you. maybe you partly to blame. maybe you're just innocent. but right now. i dont want to care.i dont want to care.right now, right now, i dont want to care.
that, was last night. right now, in the early morning beforfe dawn, i wake to, read this part again. its how i felt last night. im sorry. but you deserve to know. even if i can never know how you feel. not telling me anything leaves me with just trust that you may feel the same way, even....if only at the slightest.... i do, i do. and so i'll continue to do.
No comments:
Post a Comment