maverick unvariations

my heel hurts like crazy.


but i guess its worth all the pain (walking barefoot now hurts already, so there isnt much a factor unless i jump or run.or even jog) when it comes to football!! [=


lovely playing it.every single moment. it was tiring, bursting and sprinting and hurting but neither caring for those things.

it makes me forget everything. like when im playing in band[ sorry, only during tpjc under the dr lee era need apply for memory remembrance ]there is this sense of great purpose and focus in functioning now just alone but as an entity with others. a sense of wild joy prevades.

i forget i am 19. i forget my worries.i forget my fears. i forget everything. i forget....that....everything that should be. i dont, as someone used it once to describe"on nitpicking on things that should matter but we still dont" so easily.

i forget. it is not about running away. it is not about turning away from reminders.

it is...about allowing yourself to be. not just to enjoy. just what you wish to be.no restrictions.

you become carefree.you let yourself be. not weighted by whatever you are experiencing.

...just dont play when you got a blocked nose and flam in your throat. ...breathing..is err...a tad more difficult XD

im really glad for Carista. shes been going through a lot of shit lately, and thankyou LORD for watching and blessing and making sure shes okay. and for mending her hurts. thank You so much.[= girl you deserve it.... Lord heal me too? (=

on a side note. errr. how are you gona tag me? -_- dont give me sms crap ah. XD

im in signals, which isnt too bad. hope i get to participate in ndp next year. (= [screw the burned weekends when it happens. my time now beloongs to the saf anyway.]


my pay is increased. yay. _--

met [in order of appearance] sheng! you skinny ass, peng you same old same old! jacky omg you gotten bigger, xiong eh handsome eh, last but not least the couple ! mh and xy!

i miss you old buggers. all of you. had a great time[even with the super poor organising skills of mr tan XD ] like old souls. like old company. you just slide right in like we had have never been separated before. (=

even if the guys were all ranting about dotA. ver.6.52> o.0 the last time i truly played was .32 XD



but can we not eat there again please? its horrible.

as you become older. you lose..quite that bit of that teenager angst/emotional behaviour.

its alright i guess. we were all ignorant fools. still are. just a little wiser, a few battle scars with life to show.

but we must never lose that child in us. it is that spark of life that keeps you going. and preventing you from becoming a very BORING person =p

so what separates a teenager and a teenager transiting to an adult? what about that thing? called the FUTURE.

its like changing ....buses. or trains. -_- okay bad analogy but ahh.

you sit on the express service. and life whips past in a flash. the future becomes so horribly uncertain. and theres no fixed path.


so what do i do?

i dont know. so?

i pray. i plan. i act. i think.i hesitate.i act and think again.i ponder. i doubt. and then finally i act[ verb, u arse..=p--- acting on it..whats with all these verifications???]..and pray and act and pray and act on it. doesnt sound smart eh.

thats all. life will give us shit i guess.anytime.all of a sudden.so?

sometimes just hanging by is already a victory in a trial.

most of the time it isnt so. and therefore?

so many paths lie ahead. i got lectured the other day by the most surprising person..:" you got a very bright future you know that?you're a bright kid [ <---eh i dont think thats true] dont go and fuck it up please." quote word for word.

i looked at that person eyes wide {i know la, not that wide . small eyes okay. (= ] in bewilderment. like. the heck?!

so we we look upon the uncertainty of our futures with pessimistic gloom or with such infectious optimisim-that it irritates the hell out of everybody,especially many adults (= or with a dash of reality and yet with filled with sparling, non bubbly hope? [...seriously.water is water. no bubbles and bubbles? sparkling and non sparkling? wtheckkkk. ]

i dont know.

what do i know? i got this youth now. yeah yeah, less than 2 years im officially an adult. so what?

what do i want? a place in university.to study what i WANT. spiritual growth [ which means, growing closer to the Lord ]

maturity [hell yes, im so childish i scare myself.]

confidence[ thats gotta grow aint it.]

self esteem[ the same.]

yesterday is history, today is a gift for me, tomorrow is a mystery.

these are all i know. study study. i like studying. i like to know more. i want to know more. not just for a career or whatever. i dont want an empty brain.i want A grades because i want to put in effort to make sure i learn--me being an lazy ass. ( qn. does what you learn master you or you mastering it? are you so certain you've mastered it?)

i know studies isnt everything. man you are one hell of a sad human being if all you merely excelled in are studies. seriously. sad. and pitiful.very.

yeah its very important. so much for holistic yesssss -_-

but err. studies = life? im not talking about studying per se. like 10 hours a day when the time requires to be done so. rather. studying to become the top [just that sole purpose] is... yeah its good to have aims.aim top 10, top 3, yeah its all fine. but you want to be top BECAUSE? __________ please fill in the blank. if its for vanity's sake well yeah. good luck you damm frog.in a narrow well.

if all along a person aims for the best in academia because thats all he knows, to strive for the top for the sake of being in among the top. then this education system has just failed that student aint it?

the analogy for life in singapore.in general.

rawrrr. not over. i've diverted from my main train of thought! o.0 which is....uh uh....yeah...my uncertain future and everything else right now.

It may be long to get me there

It feels like I've been everywhere

But someday I'll be coming home

Round and round the world will spin

Oh, the circle never ends

So you know that I'll be coming home.